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Stomach Rage
My stomach grumbled impatiently as I drove into the drive through of McDonalds. Hi, can I take your order? The miserable teen grumbled at me. Hi, I'll have a.......... I scanned the menu looking for something that appealed to me. The teen exhaled loudly. I swear customer service is getting better these days... whatever happened to service with a smile? My eyes glanced down the menu and stopped on the Big mac. My stomach emitted a pleasant growl, as if to say Pick that pick that pick that!. FINE! I thought, just shut up!. Great. Now i'm having a silent argument with my stomach- I'd better order some food pronto. Please can I have one Big mac please? That's £3.49 I handed grumpy pants a crisp £5 note, and grumps shoved the change back in my hand. Drive further up to get your stuff Grumps mumbled. Thankyou, have a lovely day I grinned. I drove up and got my order, then parked in the car park. FINALLY! You neglect me ya'know- you can't expect me to sit here quietly while you drink all that coffee crap and never feed me ACTUAL FOOD! Shut up- you're my stomach so you'll do what I tell you. You're such a jerk. Why couldn't I have been the stomach of Jamie Oliver or Nigella Lawson? At least then I wouldn't be filled with crap. Shut up so I can eat I really need to consider getting a stomach transplant, but i'm sure the doctors won't allow it as there is nothing physically wrong with my stomach- it just has an arsey attitude. Besides, what am I supposed to even say? Hi, my stomach talks to me and it sounds like a chain smoker with a chicago accent- please can you swap it for another?. No. I don't think so. Humphh. If my stomach were a person, I know that we would hate each other. I shoved the burger in my face and chewed happily. Then I felt something gristly grinding between my teeth. I chewed and chewed- wow this was one tough burger- or maybe it was that my mouth wasn't used to solids (as I had been working a lot lately, so had just been drinking coffee). I continued to chew, but then something caught my attention. What the fuck!! I ordered a big mac and this fucking TASTES LIKE CHICKEN! I exclaimed. HEY! I was eating that! Stomach roared. I examined the half eaten burger by carelessly tossing all the lettuce and bread aside. My finger brushed against something covered in ketchup- It was probably just a gherkin *shiver* gross. But I examined the ketchup slathered thing anyway. I picked it up and it dangled in my fingers for a few seconds.....1...2....3...4. Then realisation hit. Oh.....my......fuckin'.......god. My stomach grumbled sarcastically Didn't I say you fed me crap? Eh, eh? Well, say something dammit! 'AHHHHHHHHH SHUTUPYOUIGNORANTSHIT FUCKKKKKKK!'' I shrieked as I launched 3/4 of a human nose at my wind shield. It splattered ketchup on the glass, then bounced onto the dash board.'' .............................. .............................. I sat staring at the nose for about 10 minutes, while stomach was there stomach aciding his pants. I simply picked up the nose and placed it in the burger carton. And that was that. ____________________________ I don't know what made me go back the next day.......It just kinda happened. The same events took place, except this time I got an eye in my Big mac. I was freaked out, like anyone would be, but I just brushed it off, flung it in the carton with the nose from the previous day, and carried on eating. This continued for 7 more days, and each day I was bothered less by the human flesh. After my burger on the 9th day (today was a sheet of skin, YUMMY!) curiousity struck me. I rooted and retrieved the carton I had been flinging all the flesh in- then layed them out on the napkin on my lap. I placed the eyes next to each other, the ears outside of them, the nose inbetween the eyes, the lips underneath that, then a sheet of skin where the forehead should be, the the two remaining sheets where the cheeks should be. The result of my creativity was a face. But............ Hahaha, I guess you are what you eat, eh? Stomach chuckled. I was so stunned I didn't bother replying. I was staring at myself. It was a bit ragged and askew, but, that was definitely me. On its- I mean on my (my face in my lap I mean) left cheek, were the words 'I'm lovin' it' etched into the skin. Ewwwww. Where the hell did they get my face?!? Look in the mirror retard..... stomach said, with a smirk in its voice that was in my thoughts. I looked up- muttering to myself what a douchbag stomach was. My face....or lack of it. My mouth no longer had lips, just pink gums and not-so-pearly whites. My nose no longer had nostrils- they looked more like two dark caves now. My flesh was gone, an inflamed raw red was now my complexion. My ears were not there- YAY at least I wouldn't have to listen to stomach's stupid comments, this is the only positive thing from this!! Think again douchebag- you don't need ears to hear your thoughts you crazy bastard. DAMMIT! Category:Originally on Trollpasta Wiki Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck